What do you guys think?

"We all have a few failures under our belt. It's what makes us ready for the successes." – Randy K. Milholland

And just to add on to what this man said, I don't think they only make us ready.

Those failures are what make you appreciate the successes so much more.

I mean, I think it took 8 years of addiction and constant f*cking up and failing at things when I was using to appreciate and feel awesome about even just getting an A in a class this semester while sober and going to school.

I mean it definitely took a while to see some things like that, and I think I still have a while to go to take this quote and put it to all the failures under my belt...but I am damn willing to work, wait, and see what success will be greater than some of these failures.

It is something we all deserve to see.

One Wall at a Time: After Addiction

There comes a time in "recovery" where those issues we were ignoring and numbing out are finally just closing in on us. That, or we get put in a situation where we built walls to protect ourselves from getting hurt. We as addicts can get really creative in finding all sorts of ways not to deal with our problems.

I know I certainly would think of anything to run away from something potentially painful.

Image by: Ian Sane

Anyway, I was talking to someone the other day who was basically telling me that they were being told to take all their walls down. Like it is something that easy to do...
In my opinion, this isn't something that should be done all at once. We spent years building up these walls, and most of the time for a pretty damn good reason. And just like real walls, if you knock them down all at once, it could just result in a big, cluttered, mess.

Don't get me wrong, if this is something that works best for you, then that's awesome. It just definitely did not for me, as well as a lot of the people I know.

Being in recovery for me, felt like I had to basically relearn how to basically live again. I am sure you guys can relate. Everything felt different. Hell, even driving felt different, I couldn't even stay in the lines at first when I got sober.

Getting back to what I was saying, having to relearn everything was already hard enough of a task to take on. I couldn't imagine dealing with all of my mental walls and what-note at once. I tried to, but that only led to a relapse... soooo I decided that probably wasn't going to be the right path for me.

Getting used to this new life was something I wanted, more so needed, to do first. Most of the issues and walls I built had to do with close relationships, and at that time, I knew I was nowhere near being ready for a new relationship. Even some basic issues, something like.... trust, just in general, I put off until a bit later until I was at least comfortable with me before I added anyone else into the picture. I guess this is where people say we need to "be selfish and think of ourselves first." I don't think it is a selfish act though, more of a brave one actually.

So that's what happened. I got to a point where I felt comfortable enough with the regular day again, before I decided to tackle anything that could potentially break the already unstable ground I was walking on. Besides, in the beginning, sometimes... just sometimes, those walls are the only thing still holding us up.

Now again, this is what I, MYSELF, needed to do. I couldn't handle multiple things at once. I know some of you guys can and that is great for you guys, but I definitely wasn't as capable. Like almost everything having to do with addiction, what helps one person will not be helpful for the next.

Guess I just wanted to say that we shouldn't be afraid to take it slow. We shouldn't be afraid to go at our own pace. Some put a set timeline on handling these things when everyone has a different way of handling their problems.

Just had to get some thoughts out.

Now I'm ready to jump into bed. Stay strong bloggers =]

Danny

Alright I need some opinions from you guys please

Not meaning to start a debate, but I do need some clarity.

What is everyone's opinion on ? 

Should it only be something considered for short term treatment or is it also something that could be used for long term if needed?

I have read so many different articles/blogs about both sides so I just wanted to get more views on this

Drugs, Love, Sex ?

Alright, so we are finally sober. After the first few days are over and the pink cloud has drifted away, we all the sudden, some of us anyway, feel an overwhelming amount of one of those feelings that we have been trying to numb out for so long.

Loneliness definitely being one of them.

One of the few things that touches every single person in this world. Speaking from personal experience and from many of those around me, lots of us try to get ourselves involved in some kind of relationship when we feel this. Whether we are trying to occupy our time with meaningless sex or just trying to obtain that feeling of being needed, we are in some way or another hoping that the loneliness will wither away. 

And as much as some people will try to deny it, I believe most, if not all of us want love. That stupid, unpredictable, complicated, irrational, crazy love. But at some point though we all have to ask ourselves if we are actually ready for that emotional roller coaster of commitment.

At first, the thought of having someone around seems to be just what we need to heal our emotional wounds. Soon after jumping into some kind of relationship though, I think we start to realize that just like the drugs, it only temporarily had us feeling better. 

Being in the early stages of sobriety are already hard enough, from having to deal with the wounds we have been ignoring, and from just trying to figure out how to live life "normally." Adding something as complex as a relationship at this time and having it work out seems almost impossible to me. Don't get me wrong, I am sure it can be done by some of you...just definitely not by me... not that it stopped me from trying.

After about two short-lived relationship attempts, I decided to (for the first time in a VERY long time) actually focus on me. There was still so many things I had to figure out about not only my past, but what I want as the new person I am trying to become. I now know I had to first learn to accept myself and feel comfortable with who I am to ever even have a chance at a successful commitment. 

Leaving those kinds of wounds open and not giving yourself time to heal and move on only paves the way to more insecurities, trust issues, and all that other stuff that usually tears any couple apart.

In no way can I give professional advice... this is solely based on my experience. There is one thing that I wanna include to end this post with. As tempting as it might be to rush into something, I really believe it is much more enjoyable if you first take the time to really have some "me time." For so long have we been trying our best to really avoid looking inward, but that obviously has not done us any good. Agree so far?

After having that desperately needed "me time" and felt I had really started to heal, I noticed things from my past popped up less and less, letting the insecurities stay silent rather than screaming in my face at every second. 

No matter what you have done, what people have thought of you, we all have a chance to make ourselves into something we are proud of. We all have the power to slowly heal ourselves making it possible to move on. We all deserve to forgive and love ourselves, but most importantly, we all deserve to be loved. Never think otherwise. 

4:45 A.M & Sober

It is nights like tonight that just make me really happy. Wasn't anything extravagant or anything...rather simple actually. A few close friends came over and we all just enjoyed each others company and watched some movies. When I was still living in my world controlled by drugs and my addiction I could never fully appreciate something like this. 

Before I got sober I am pretty sure I would be out with people till sunrise almost every night. Doing whatever really. And naturally many of them were dealing with the same strangling addiction that I was. But at some point I always questioned if some of these people were around because they actually really cared about me, or if it had more to do with the drugs.

I think many addicts sometimes feel this way. We never really know who are "real" friends are when drugs are involved. It was definitely something that I questioned many times throughout the years. 

I think that is why nights like these feel so special to me now. Just another reason why getting sober has made life better. The people that stick around and are willing to just have a lazy night and hangout are... well, they actually want to be there. Not because drugs were available, but because they actually want to be there with you.  

I am looking around at my friends, who are now either drooling on a pillow, snoring, or both, and can't help but just smile. I'm smiling because...I mean it would definitely be an amazing picture if I wasn't to lazy to go find my phone, but I am mainly smiling just because when you are sober you can actually feel a real friendship. I don't really know how else to explain it...but I like it. 

I hope everyone beats addiction for so many reasons. But I think this is one that I would put at one of the best. Just being able to feel the connection from people, as well as the happiness that comes from that.

Everyone deserves to feel that. 

Addiction Recovery doesn't have a timeline

"It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop." 

-Confucius 

It's definitely a simple quote, but I think that it relates a lot to how I look at recovering from addiction. Just like my last post stated, no one plan works for everyone. The one thing that everyone though will have in common is having to fight your way through the wreckage our addiction has left behind.

In my own recovery there were so many times that I questioned if this was even worth it. I just wanted to feel so much happier than I was. "It's been (X) months and I still feel crappy," went through my mind so many times. What about you guys... have you ever felt that way?

It was around that time I saw this quote. I read it over and over again just so it would really be engraved in my mind.

Everyone heals differently. We all have our own little ways of getting through something. Our own coping methods. So when I read stories online about people being clean for six, or even three months and they were saying how happy they were, I no longer questioned what I was doing wrong.

Everyone's war they are fighting has different durations, different obstacles, and so on. Does that make sense or am I starting to ramble again? I tend to do that.. sorry :p

Well on those bad days, we just have to remember to take it slower than usual. Definitely keep fighting on, just at a slower pace so no overwhelming can happen.

Never compare your recovery to anyone else's in a sense that you aren't feeling like (insert name here) was at 5 months. All we need to focus on is getting better. At whatever rate we are comfortable.

Sober Complications: Part 1

There comes a point in sobriety when the time that we were addicted seems like a completely different life. All the sudden my worries were in a completely different category. For the first time I was thinking about the future...and it really scared me. At first all I could think about was all the time that I had wasted. Everyone I had graduated high school with was just getting out of college and moving on with their professional life. So badly did I want to be at the same place as they all were.

I beat myself up for quite some time before I mentioned it to my counselor. His exact words escape me at this moment but he basically told me that my life just went down a different path. The experiences I had gone through, and the lessons I have learned could not of been taught in school or anywhere else. I thought about this for quite some time before I learned to appreciate it.

It is still a struggle sometimes for me to stay positive with this, but I have to remember that the one thing that truly matters was that I got sober. The reason I wanted to talk about this was that I found out many felt the same way.

No matter what time in our lives we managed to get sober....well, that should be all that matters. We got sober. Yes, many mistakes were probably made, but by getting clean, we have avoided making so many more. We now have the chance to make our lives better than ever before with a new appreciation for life in general. I think I am starting to ramble, but if you ask me... learning to appreciate life again in a whole new way is something that makes up for the time we struggled with addiction.

Our lives may be different, but it is up to us to decide if we want to make that something positive, or something negative.