So I was with a few friend having the usual talks about...well money, life, jobs, and that whole messy love life thing. Of course the majority of the time, the topic was more geared to relationships than anything else.
I have always been the type of guy that knows what I wanted in a relationship...or so I thought. My last few attempts of a healthy relationships... just didn't work out.
Picture by: samcaplat
My friends were basically telling me that I often put up with stuff that I shouldn't, and seem to get confused about the things that should bother me more and so and so. So then they asked me what I wanted. I simply replied with, "something real." What the hell does that really mean though? Well here I go trying to figure this out:
Alright so what do I want in a relationship? I definitely need someone who is mature. I really think that is one of the most important things for everyone right? Definitely someone who can support me in my sobriety and not judge me because of my past.
Someone who puts in the same amount of effort I would, while not considering it a chore. I think this is huge too. If it feels like something that you need to do instead of wanting to do, then it most likely is not going to work out. Nor should we want it to work out right? I need to remember that relationships are supposed to be fun!
Someone that is respectful is another huge deciding factor. I want to be able to be confident when I bring my boyfriend to meet my family. Someone respectful in the everyday sense but also meaning kind, honest, caring, and persistent. Everyone tends to worry or feel insecure in a relationship, so I feel like making our partners feel safe without them constantly having to ask, is just the right thing to do.
Openness. It isn't that I need to know every little thing going on, but I just want someone who doesn't feel the need to be so guarded about everything as well. Just knowing what is going on in each others lives, I feel takes care of so many possible issues. If we know what is generally happening with our special someone, it doesn't leave much room for us to get insecure or even suspicious. I feel like, at least for me, as soon as those feelings start to come into play, it is so hard to make them disappear. Then we are just constantly worrying and over-analyzing which, I think we can all agree, isn't fun.
Also, I definitely don't mind having some different opinions about stuff, I actually like that. Some stuff though I feel are kinda important to agree on. Like the big stuff. Does that make sense? Basically just the stuff that we would constantly have in the back of our mind, and it eventually turning into holding a grudge. Whether it be kids, opinions about money, attitudes, religion, etc. Don't get me wrong, I love different cultures, different opinions and all that stuff, but I'm just saying it's important to figure out if we can be 100% accepting of those differences.
Alright so there are definitely the big main things that I would consider being a "real" relationship. Something that I really want. And when those problems appear, and they will appear, both of us should be willing to work it out.
We all deserve the relationship we want and need. ALL OF US.
Don't you think?