At first when I got out of rehab, I wanted so badly to be happy. But I couldn't help but think of everything that was laying in ruins because of my addiction. There were so many people I had taken advantage of, lied to, and there were so many missed opportunities. The safe barrier that had been felt in the rehab facility was nowhere in sight.
Did anyone else have this kind of reaction after getting clean and rejoining the world?
Anyway, it is safe to say that over the last 7 years of my addiction, I have become increasingly more negative towards...everything really. My overall outlook was that there was no way out of the deep hole I had dug myself in. I was trapped at the very bottom, watching all my opportunities pass by.
So some guy a long time ago told us to, "be the change we want to see in the world." As hard as it was for me, I tried listening to this Gandhi fella.
From there on out I tried changing the way I had been thinking. Catching myself and stopping my negative rants, and so on. Mainly being positive about life again.
To my surprise it was starting to work. Don't get me wrong, it was definitely hard and is still something I am trying to control, but it works.
Just like if you are at the bottom of the hole, if you keep doing what you have been, you will either dig further down or simply stay stuck. I had to change how I thought, and look for ways to get myself out of the muddy hole in the ground I was in.
The more I tried, the more I saw opportunities that were available to me. So instead of looking up and wishing you could make a ladder appear to make it an easy climb, put in more work to dig some kind of edges in the walls to climb up.
With each step we are proving to ourselves that it IS actually possible to rebuild our lives. It just takes training your mind and your eyes to see those hidden opportunities that are in our reach.
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