Alright, so we are finally sober. After the first few days are over and the pink cloud has drifted away, we all the sudden, some of us anyway, feel an overwhelming amount of one of those feelings that we have been trying to numb out for so long.
Loneliness definitely being one of them.
One of the few things that touches every single person in this world. Speaking from personal experience and from many of those around me, lots of us try to get ourselves involved in some kind of relationship when we feel this. Whether we are trying to occupy our time with meaningless sex or just trying to obtain that feeling of being needed, we are in some way or another hoping that the loneliness will wither away.
And as much as some people will try to deny it, I believe most, if not all of us want love. That stupid, unpredictable, complicated, irrational, crazy love. But at some point though we all have to ask ourselves if we are actually ready for that emotional roller coaster of commitment.
At first, the thought of having someone around seems to be just what we need to heal our emotional wounds. Soon after jumping into some kind of relationship though, I think we start to realize that just like the drugs, it only temporarily had us feeling better.
Being in the early stages of sobriety are already hard enough, from having to deal with the wounds we have been ignoring, and from just trying to figure out how to live life "normally." Adding something as complex as a relationship at this time and having it work out seems almost impossible to me. Don't get me wrong, I am sure it can be done by some of you...just definitely not by me... not that it stopped me from trying.
After about two short-lived relationship attempts, I decided to (for the first time in a VERY long time) actually focus on me. There was still so many things I had to figure out about not only my past, but what I want as the new person I am trying to become. I now know I had to first learn to accept myself and feel comfortable with who I am to ever even have a chance at a successful commitment.
Leaving those kinds of wounds open and not giving yourself time to heal and move on only paves the way to more insecurities, trust issues, and all that other stuff that usually tears any couple apart.
In no way can I give professional advice... this is solely based on my experience. There is one thing that I wanna include to end this post with. As tempting as it might be to rush into something, I really believe it is much more enjoyable if you first take the time to really have some "me time." For so long have we been trying our best to really avoid looking inward, but that obviously has not done us any good. Agree so far?
After having that desperately needed "me time" and felt I had really started to heal, I noticed things from my past popped up less and less, letting the insecurities stay silent rather than screaming in my face at every second.
No matter what you have done, what people have thought of you, we all have a chance to make ourselves into something we are proud of. We all have the power to slowly heal ourselves making it possible to move on. We all deserve to forgive and love ourselves, but most importantly, we all deserve to be loved. Never think otherwise.
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