Emotions Without Drugs

So what if it is one of those days and the tears happen to just keep pushing their way out. With all our might we try to remember the things that everyone keeps saying to us:

"Everything is just fine"

"You are, and everything is going to be OK"

And other positive stuff like that. Sometimes though, all of that does not keep us from screaming into a pillow or from throwing our phones at the wall (which we regret about 10 seconds after). Nor does it keep the tears from flowing down our faces, and unfortunately sometimes it doesn't keep us from wanting to use.

Sometimes, things just feel like complete shit. The day seems to just drag on, nothing seems exciting, and you get way too invested in the characters on Gray's Anatomy and end up crying at every slightly emotional thing. Just me? Well... you know what I mean. 

Alright so the past few days I have been thinking a whole lot (dangerous, I know). A lot about how for the past year there have been quite a bit of those shitty moments. A lot of them happen to be just trying to figure out how to live life sober again. 

Even though I appreciated them, those positive sayings that are thrown at us sometimes just agitated me even more. I can't really say why though. I guess they just made me feel like there was something wrong with me because nothing felt fine or like it was OK. It felt like the ground wouldn't stop shaking and I could barely keep my balance. 

So back to the thinking I was doing. I guess what really helped me was knowing that...well, sometimes things are going to go very wrong. Sometimes that what you really don't want happening, is exactly what will. And the thing is....it is completely normal. 

Imagine if life never consisted of "downs." At first it might seem like it would be perfect, but would it really? Would we even try to better ourselves, or to keep learning just because. Would we even be able to recognize the "ups" in life, or even appreciate them?

 

Alright so maybe knowing all this doesn't make those times easier, but for me knowing that it is completely normal took just enough weight off so that I could deal with it. We are so used to just having that easy fix. Whether it was going straight to the bottle, the pills, the pipe, or whatever poison we chose. I think that is why feeling like complete crap just felt so wrong. Like I was the only one that felt like that, when in truth, every single other person goes through the same stuff. We just now need to find the best way for us to deal with these times other than how we did in the past. 

Well I hope all this made sense. And I hope all of you had a good weekend. 

Till next time.