What did you do today? Or this week? My guess is you have been pretty busy. Even if you haven't been physically busy, if you are anything like me, your mind is still moving at about a million miles a minute. And after a while, that just becomes way too exhausting.
When I lay down at the end of the day, that level of stress seems so high sometimes. The pressure just keeps building, turning that pebble on my chest into a rock, and that rock into a boulder.
It is so frustrating at times, but the worst is not even knowing why you are so stressed out. I am 22 and I feel so incredibly tired all the damn time. This can't be how I am supposed to feel. I remember thinking a few days ago that the whole point of getting sober was to feel better and to improve my life, but at times like those it feels like it had done the exact opposite.
I needed to snap out of it. As soon as I took a step back from the whole situation, I immediately saw it. My dark passenger trying so hard to convince me to go back to the drugs. I have probably said this before, but it is so surprising to see how addiction can try to control your life even after you have been sober for X amount of time.
My dark passenger. Basically, this is what I call the whole set of thoughts that is basically the addiction trying to lure me back. I found it to actually help a lot... to humanize all that . I don't really know why...I think maybe it might be that I no longer see it as a constant struggle of me VS. myself? Who knows. I'll take anything that makes this road of sobriety just a little smoother.
Anyway, so instead of listening to him or the negativity that I find too often in my head, I tried to find solutions. Some way to relieve some stress and to get my natural energy back. I know a lot of it is having to work on changing my thinking. Replacing all the negativity that I am so used to having with something more positive.
Well no matter what, we can't give up. I figure it is just a crap load of trial and error cases now until we find something that works for us. What I have noticed so far though, is that some of the simple things I take for granted actually help a lot.
Going on a simple walk with my dog. Actually taking a minute to sit down. WRITING. Enjoying nice scenery.
Honestly just stuff like that. I think the most important change I have decided to make would be telling myself to just breathe. Seriously. We all get so wrapped up in everything there is to worry about. So much that it has become the normal, and it actually takes reminding to have ourselves breathe and relax for a second.
So now to finding more things that work. Oh and let me know your secrets to this whole thing if you have any. Would love to have more options.
Take care bloggers. And remember, you are always stronger than your dark passenger.
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